new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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