My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize