Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize