i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
