if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
