my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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