I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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