Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
