the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
