An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
