A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
