I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize