$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
