Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
