I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
