I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
worst night to have a conscience
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
