I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
