also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
