I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
