I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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