I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Be still, my beating vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
