Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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