im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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