shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
