I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize