i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
