i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
