Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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