Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
