are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
