When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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