Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
