Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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