Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
