Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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