My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
