I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
