never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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