I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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