Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize