at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
