By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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