In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
