He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
ok first of all what the fuck
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
