NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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