I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize