Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
