She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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