the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize