i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
