ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
