She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
