I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
