I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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