this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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