Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
