I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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