I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this just has baby written all over it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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