Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
