i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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