yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
