My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
