Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
