I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
